The road to acceptance is long

It has been nearly three weeks since I got a referral from my GP and I really can’t wait when I get my Asperger’s syndrom assessment. I simply want to know and I want to accept it.

Right now I am emotionally stuck somewhere between anger, sadness, and frustration. It drives me mad to actually admit that my brain is not neurotypical. Because it will mean that all that effort I have put into fitting in was pointless. So maybe if I close my eyes and count to three, I will discover that it was only a bad dream. And I am normal.

It makes me angry that it so much easier for the neurotypicals to deal with social situations. They know how to mingle, how to do small talk and how to bond. I, on the other hand, need to pull the right script from my memory to then act according to it. And if I don’t have one, I spend time trying to develop one and even then I know it is only a bad imitation of a real experience. It is like seeing a candy through a window and licking the glass.

Finally, I am very sad because I feel lost with all of this. And I know that many painful situations in my life, especially in my childhood, could have been avoided if only people around me understood and accepted I am different.

I hope one day I manage to get over these feelings and embrace myself the way I am. If all you Aspies out there could do it, perhaps I can too.

To Aspie or not to Aspie?

After years of being at least slightly different, I think I am finally ready to accept that I might be an Aspie. I have had my GP appointment today and the doctor agreed that I should get a referral but she also warned me that the whole process may take up to 12 months. So hopefully a year from now I will know what is wrong different with me.

Right now there is a part of me which is happy about the referral and potential clarification of why social situations are so hard. But a different part of me is not because it feels like saying you are not normal. And to make the things worse, over all those years I have built up a massive piece of guilt of being different and it has just resurfaced.

I am not sure where it all will take me. I hope it will be a bit better place or that at least some social challenges will be easier to deal with.


Make your own mermaid!

This lovely box has been with me since my last birthday (thank you Maryam!) but somehow I couldn’t find enough time to start working on it. Finally, two weeks ago enough was enough! On a Saturday afternoon, equipped with a cup of tea, I lift the lid carefully…

box.jpgDespite a small size, the tin contains a lot of treasures: colourful sequins and beads, wavy yellow wool and even needles. Not to mention the doll itself and her ready to make mermaid outfit. Everything you need to finish this small project is there!



The instructions, with a photo for every step, are easy to follow so you don’t need to have any experience in crafts.

Possibly the only thing you need to add from yourself is a bit of patience. Sawing on the sequins takes some time because you need to put them on both sides. But it is up to you how many you go for so if you are very impatient, you can always cut some corners.

And if you want to go more creative, you can decorate her even further because the box contains more sequins and beads than you need!

My beautiful mermaid is now ready and, as you can see in the photo, she is quite happy. If I were still a child I think I would really love to play with her!


Amigurumi bunny gang

After I made my first crochet bunny, which my friends really liked, I have ended up making some more. At least one more still to go…

But anyway, here is the whole bunny gang 🙂


All the patterns (bunny, dress, overalls, shoes) come from Amigurumi To Go!

What has Donald Duck in common with Buddhism?

Well, until now I would say – nothing. But if you ever happen to be in George Town, the capital city of Penang, go to The Kek Lok Si Temple to discover the connection.

But if you are not patient enough, here is the answer:


Yep, Donald Duck, together with Minnie Mouse and a random pig, are hanging around the temple grounds!

The strangest taxidermy ever

If you like vintage things, you should visit Hastings. Its old streets are full of small shops with truly unique and random stuff. Just like this taxidermy of a… shaved cat. Even the rest of stuffed animals seems to be a bit shocked.



I love Google Cultural Institute

From time to time we make those tiny discoveries that make us very, very happy. So happy that we want to jump high into the sky, laugh very loud or just share our joy with others at the Speakers’ Corner if our extroversion level is high. Since my is not, I will stick to this post.

So you are probably wondering what made me so happy. Surprisingly, it was… Google. And not because a location on Google maps is matching an actual place. That would not be enough. But Google Cultural Institute is more than I need.

A single web-site full of stories and collections from around the world that you can discover with a single click. And the content is really interesting, just have a look at this article about 10 Amazing Facts About Colour Blue.

They are also working with various museums to capture the finest details of artworks from their collection which means once you fully zoomed in, you can see every single brush stroke! Yes, you can see more than in a museum!

I will not fall asleep today from all that excitement… It is too much…